Who You Are vs. Who You Are

Each and every one of us has different personas in different situations unless you’re Joanna Coles (who will always be Marie Claire’s EIC to me). We certainly don’t act the same way during vacation with the family versus a lunch date with close friends. Sure, you may think you do, but do you really? I’ve always known this to a certain extent but you grow up and things change—you change. 

See, growing up I was shy and quiet and I kept to myself and I never spoke up in class. I was clingy and had a couple of friends, but never any best friends. I suppose this is why I’m so good at being independent. You can ask my mother, she’ll vouch for me. Anyway, high school happened and in the beginning I was still pretty shy but come junior and senior year and there I was, bigger and better than ever! Okay, I definitely wasn’t bigger, I hadn’t grown much since freshman year, but in a way I was a better version of myself. I was more outgoing, more sociable and I was fearless!* You want to know why? Sometimes I tend to think that it was because of Girl Scouts because they’re always boasting that the program builds “courage, confidence, and character” and it does, don’t get me wrong, but the reason behind my sudden improvement in character was that I was at the top of the food chain. That’s right.

For once, I was the one kids were looking up to—well, maybe not myself per se, but you know what I mean. Kids whom I once was several years before were now looking up to me as a role model, and I loved being at the top.
 
But here I am, a first-year in college: back at the bottom of the chain. I am once again the quiet kid except for the rare occasions during which I am overloaded on sugar. Being a firstyear/freshman/firstie is a different experience in different schools.  I think the only reason why I have regressed in personality is because Mount Holyoke is smaller than my high school was. There’s also a strong emphasis on class years that just kinda reinforces a separation. But I know that everyone loves firsties and yadda yadda yadda… but still. So there’s most definitely a difference in experience between small schools and large schools. Big schools with thousands of students are like small cities, only everyone is of the same intelligence level (relatively) and you’re all the same age! College is kinda like a mini semi-utopia if you think about it.
 
The interesting thing is that when I return to the city, I feel like I’ll become my less-introverted self again. But maybe it’s just because I’m so comfortable in New York.
 
If there’s anything you take away from reading (or skimming) this, then let it be this:
-       To seniors applying to college: if you go to a small school, go to a small college; if you go to a big school, go to a big college. Chances are, you’ll be happy.
-       I think too much.
 
Who I am is not who I am.